Slice & Dice



So I'm sitting here and thought id break up the month of silence. I have been working on several projects, raising money for Movember and renovations at the Verlies take up time amongst my other duties in life. I want to share with you something irritating with a brief overview of what brings me to this issue.


I often come across as invincible. Let's be honest I am pretty much near as damnit to such powers. I go to the gym, work out and my muscle strength is growing considerably and I get stronger every day. I work in a job that is emotionally and physically draining which is also often violent and dangerous.

I have sarcasm that strips feathers off angels and stabs them in the eye while laughing and grilling leprechauns over an open fire. Pot of gold? no thank you make it extra crispy

.

I am a family man, that itself is a feat of the gods not to die from stray car toys on the stairs, large plastic objects flying through the air and lack of sleep in the early years which can cause psychosis and now? well arguments with smaller versions of yourself can constitute as madness.


My DIY skills are also very hands-on and do mount to a large number of strains upon the body. I've been involved with the renovation of my second ambitious dungeon space project with only a hand full of trusted people all winging various skills of the trade with no fatalities as of yet. I've been blown off 8ft ladders onto a concrete floor over the years.

I have been set on fire numerous times one of which was rather hot indeed and I had to raise my voice in profanity. I have inhaled petrol causing a near-miss of a collapsed lung yet I lived another day and landed nails, staples and various other long sharp objects into various parts of my body just because being blond is a curse.


I've scars on my hands from bow saws, burns from welding, whip marks from my bullwhips from daring to try new cracks and landed concussion on multiple occasions from shooting canons, gunpowder related frolics and messing around with TNT related explosives just to see what happens when stuffed into a piece of scaffold pipe, oh how we laughed in what seemed like complete silence.


Car crashes I can not count on two hands, writing off at least four vehicles. Cracked ribs, broken fingers where not fun things to deal with and laugh at the same time however being shot at while working the doors in Manchester gay village was high on my inconvenience list.


Cutting out a bunch of other stuff, I think you get the point so far...


I bring you to my recent life-threatening and most inconvenient of all issues which happened only yesterday.


I had a piece of electrical cable, I'm there minding my own business. Snipping the end of the wire with elegance, accuracy and skill. I've only been here five hours and it's 11 pm what's the worse that can happen. The wire is 1mm solid copper, not the pansy twisted light duty stuff, these are as stiff as miniature spears. scraping away bits of the plastic sheath to make the copper visible ready to thrust into the socket that was made for it.


The razor in my hand gliding like the scythe of death itself.


Then I sneeze and the bare copper rod slices into my right thumb swiftly as if was a piece of glass, leaving a gaping gap of nearly two centimetres right across my thumb that immediately pours blood as if I had slit a throat of a goat but without me knowing.


I didn't even notice the slice it was that fast and clean until I itched my nose after my sneeze covering my nose in a wet substance which I quickly realised was blood that was already forming a small puddle on the floor and now currently down my hand as well as half-way towards my elbow.


Now, I know what you are thinking, this cant be a big issue, stick a plaster on it, stiff upper lip, no problem I hear you say. Yes, this is true, except for one small detail...


I use this exact thumb to unlock my phone. It is also my primary phone using digit. It is also my fingerprint to get into other security devices.


All these things are bloody annoying and by far in the top of the pissing me off list as even without the plaster the slice down my thumb is causing my thumbprint to be temporarily out of use. Do not underestimate copper wire. It has hidden motives. Fucking bastard.


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