Tiaras and Tears
This blog entry is going to be written in parts. It’s a bit early to be saying... Music, Maestro, Please!! But that will soon come.
In approximately 120 hours I will be revelling in the aftermath of what I’m calling Tiaras and Tears. You see, I’m going to be doing a demo. A demo in which all I know right now, is all that I need to know.
It’s been this way for the past 2 (almost) years. A long, long, long time ago I met a Mister Smith it’s been a forever. It wasn’t until almost 2 years ago though that we first did a scene. Some of my limits were very different all of those years ago to what they are now. I’ve grown and evolved over time. I used to think that SSC (safe, sane consensual) was the way to go, I’ve learnt that, that isn’t for me and so I dabbled in RACK (Risk aware consensual kink), PRICK (Personal, responsibility in consensual kink) is now what floats my boat.
SSC – To be honest a lot of what I enjoy isn’t safe. Over the years I’ve done many memorable (for different reasons) scenes and they haven’t really been safe. I mean they’ve been as safe as they could have been and different things have been researched. But the safety police would probably have a field day. Sane: I question this too. Would an everyday sane Sally consent to some of those scenes? More than likely not is my answer. Consensual – They have all been that! I have consented to the majority of things (I have delved into the realms of CNC – Consensual non consent – where if you want to split hairs then they too have been consented to.
Rack – For a long time this is the acronym that I’d use to describe the kind of scenes that interested me, the ones I thought long and hard about and that I did partake in. It was very much risk aware consensual kink. I guess it can still be used to describe how I am. I’ll look into things and will weigh up the pros and cons. I’ll think about the risks that I’m willing to take.
Things have been thought out like... The MMA gloves that I purchased and wear. I put my hands up, they get in the way as I fend things off with them. Whilst they haven’t totally stopped my hands or knuckles from bruising, they have stopped my bones from breaking – broken bones is a hard limit of mine.
I have a safe zone, depending on where I scene and the space and how cunty Mister Smith is feeling on that depicts how much of a space I have. One where I can go to control my breathing (I hold my breath at times, or I may get the wind knocked out of me), where I can go and get a drink (I get thirsty and a dry mouth when it comes to impact scenes) or I can take my gloves off and be done. It’s where I start and end a scene. A space where he won’t touch me. As soon as I step out though, all bets are off. When I’m back in there I know that as long as all of me is there, he won’t touch me. That doesn’t stop him from goading me out though. I also consent to the kink.
PRICK – I'm very much in that bracket. Some may even say that I am actually a prick, and they’re entitled to that opinion. Hey, I even call myself a prick throughout the days. Personal responsibility in consensual kink. I take responsibility for myself. I ensure that I’m hydrated and well (mentally) that anyone I’m doing a scene with is aware of anything that may trigger me, any upcoming things I may have, which areas of my body are out of bounds (I do enjoy a good kidney punch. No, seriously I do!!).
Whether any medication I may be taking may affect the kind of scenes that I can do, where my headspace is when leading up to a scene or event and of course what after care I may need. This will vary from scene to scene and person to person. I know myself, my body and my head well enough to be able to convey all of the above.
I’m currently in preparation mode. I’ve made it clear that I don’t want to actually see him as the stage is being set. This is another thing, from the off we’ve had a no contact from the night before until half an hour or so before I see him. This works for me. I can get into the headspace that I need to be in that way. Being at an event though makes this hard. Although we’ll travel together, we won’t acknowledge each other I will have some music of my choice blaring through my headphones which will feature Disturbed more than once and I will no doubt scarper off once at the event so that I’m nowhere near his personal space, and he isn’t in mine.
I know the drill. As of yesterday, there has been no contact although I see him in my feed here and I know that he can see me. Status’ let one another know where we are without actually having to say so. So, I know that I’m going to be beaten, my head and body will battle one another as the days count down. I’ll find things to occupy my head, he’ll no doubt send pictures from the gym relating to what he’s up to. Yesterday’s came with two words... Stompy stompy.
The foundations have now been laid and I’m left with thoughts of what’s to come racing around my head. So, if you don’t mind. Dim the lights please...