The floor was cold with a hard gritty feel. It's dark, there is something over my head or maybe there is, no light I can't be sure. Head spinning like riding one of the horses on a carousel round and round up and down. It has a slight euphoric feel to it at first but now the stomach tightening nausea needing to puke feeling is only overpowered by the thumping pain in my skull.
I can taste dry iron in my mouth, eyes feel stingy like I've had salt rubbed into them, I think they are open it Is still black. My hands can't move from behind my back, my legs are bound together. Sudden cold is drafting over me, I think I've not clothes on. Why can't I remember what happened at the club? I need to remember, head thumping, body now aching, the floor so cold. Why can I taste iron, my mouth is so dry I need a drink.
Trying to move my hands, getting movement back in my torso to wiggle around, the floor is like hard sandpaper. I can feel it scratching, scraping at my hips and shoulders as I try to move. Why am I here, what got me here, why can't I remember, this fucking headache is now worse I should have stayed asleep. The back on my head seems to be the focal point of this pulsing. Visually only seeing darkness, sticking my tongue out there seems to be some material over my head. The feel tape around my wrists.
The more I struggle the tighter it gets around my wrists, I can't shout I've no voice. Every time I try to make a sound it's just a barely a breath with a slight grown. 'cough' 'cough', throat so sore and dry like I've had a cactus forced down it. My jaw is now starting to hurt, badly. Something has hit me in the face hard or been in my mouth. I twist about still trying to free any part of my body that feels it can release the restraints in place but it is cold, so very cold now.
Footsteps echo in the distance. No idea where they are coming from but I can hear footsteps. Do they know I'm here I'm asking myself? I try to shout again with again only a breath with a mummer of a voice releases from my lips. I try again this time a bit more sound came out, again louder. I took a deep breath with as much as I could muster let out a shout for help which threw me into a fit of coughing and gasping.
The footsteps stopped. I can hear keys jingling with a muffled sound with a key entering the door, unlocking a bolt. A click and a creak as the door opens with a few more footsteps and the door is closed. Not a slam or overly quick shut, a moderate firm closing by someone, not in a rush. This person knows I am here, waiting, cold and helpless. There is a slow clap as the footsteps get louder with the sound approaching me. “where am I” fell out from my lips with a small croaking voice.
The footsteps stop short of somewhere near my head, a deep male voice, the type that would make the devil stand to attention replies to my whimper. “You worthless piece of shit”. Very believable that right about now as I shiver on the rough hard floor unable to stop myself, the headache still pounding my brain scrambling my thoughts. Still no idea of why or how I ended up here. What does he want, what has already happened to me?
I try to speak again 'thud!' I suddenly lose the ability to breathe as all the air exhales from my lungs at once. He has kicked me square in the stomach, the pain is excruciating as his boot impacts upon my already cold skin. It cant be any form of trainers or pointy shoes, the rounded hard toe is certainly a boot. My instinct is to go into the fetal position but as I try to inhale while coughing the motion causes me to roll onto my back to help my chest, I can feel my eyes getting wet with tears. I have quickly learned talking is not such a good idea if I like breathing or dislike kicks to the stomach.
While I try to compose myself back to breathing, I release I have no clothes on which is why I am o cold. A few moments of silence pass, is he still there, I can't hear anything other than the pulse in my head and my thoughts of needing to get warm again. Without warning a hand grips the hair on my scalp and twists it tight pulling me up. If I did not follow it would have been torn out of my head with the force which was laid upon me, dragging my body onto its knees I can feel skin leaving my legs as they are dragged from the rough floor surface.
On my bare skin against the cold hard floor, aches, and pains all over my skin it's hard to even concentrate on the whereabouts of all them. Having nothing on apart from this thing over my head makes me feel very insecure and open to abuse. Still shivering I can hear something metal being placed on a table and the sound of what sounds like metal buckets. The shivering and fear cause a warm wet feeling down my thighs.
The feeling goes cold in moments leaving a shameful feel behind. I've just wet myself kneeling here wondering what I have done to deserve this feeling a pool of liquid form around my knees then the shivering starts once again.
“What the..” 'WHACK' something hard has smashed into my face causing me to crash to the floor, side of my face banging back onto the hard surface. Sudden silence of muffled sounds like the shell shock of an explosion nearby not being able to tell which way up I am.
Everything in my head moves slowly, my heart is beating like a drum, trying to catch air in my lungs, need to control my breathing being that is the only thing I have any say at the moment. The taste of fresh blood in my mouth and smell dust through the thin fabric as my face is now firmly against the hard floor while I cough trying to breathe.
Scalp is once again tightly gripped, my head is yanked sharply causing me to go back to my knees. He has hold of my head unable to move. The back of my skull gets slammed into a rough hard surface causing me to arch backward to compensate sticking out my chest with hips struggling to cope, facing upwards arms dangling behind me with wrists still bound together. He releases his grip then the material on my head is pulled off, a sudden brightness from overhead lighting causes me to squint from coming out of the darkness I was starting to like as it blocked me from seeing what he is going to do to me. A tight grip resumed, on the top of my head, twisting his fist into my skull making it tight.
My vision is obscured unable to make anything out as one eye is refusing to open with the eyelids being stuck together from dry blood. The fluorescent light above me beaming down with a humming noise, he is stood behind me so all I can do is stare up into the light wishing what is left of my soul could escape to another place to leave me numb from feeling anything else.
My one eye is trying to focus, I can make out old stone walls and ceiling, cold, damp looking with very little to give me hope of this being over any time soon.
I feel something sticky on my forehead, the sound of tape being pulled apart then pressed against my forehead. Trying to move my eye around to see what is going on only able to feel the tape on my skin my head is being wrapped to the surface I have been slammed into. I can not move anything other than my eye and slightly sway my hips. He has run tape over my forehead numerous times to whatever the back of my head is currently resting on. Struggling to get free once he releases my hair but with no luck.
I am stuck facing up, my mouth filter stopped working “HELP! SOMEONE..”. I knew what was going to cost me, stupid shouting after last time, I thought I had learned to stay quiet. The figure walked in front of me and a swift slap hit my cheek whipping my neck to turn as quick as it could.
The stingy pain surged from my jaw to the side of my head causing an extreme head ache. It was like a hammer smacking into my skull, something wet running down the side of my face, has he split my lip?. Maybe my eye is bleeding I don't know. Feeling dizzy and sick, coughing as my tilted head is making any liquid in my mouth run to the back of my throat.
My hips and spine are starting to feel the strain of leaning back in such a tight arch, my thighs burning with pins and needles mounting in my lower legs. I can hear more tape, my legs can't move, he's tapped my feet to something and my knees together. Do I dare ask another question. “what do you want” I manage with a slightly calmer but shaky sound. Stupid stupid me. “Nothing, I want nothing other than for you to entertain” came from a deep voice, I think I recognise it, maybe, not sure. Thoughts in my head, what the fuck does that mean, is he going to kill me, what am I doing here. My body is now tremoring with shivers and fear, my sight is returning sweat has made it possible to open the other eye but I still can't see much out of it.
I am in a small room of some kind, I can only see the ceiling of the damp looking stones grey in colour, Moving my eyes to either side I can still only see the single tube of lighting above me and a glimpse of walls made of the same stone as the ceiling. The man is wearing one of those masks you see on guy Foulkes night giving me the creeps when I catch a look as he is moving around the room. He is wearing no top as far as I can make out with blue jeans, some red marks on his chest that look like blood. Was it my blood?.
The voice is so familiar.
The sound of water, why can I hear running water going into a metal container, a bucket maybe. Loud sloshing at first but now it is a stead calm water noise like a small waterfall, I can hear whistling like he's waiting at a petrol station filling up a car with fuel. It doesn't take long for the water sloshing into the container gets shorter and shorter until nearly silent. The metal container is dragged to the side with a nosey metal rubbing noise on stone grinding away with the movement, the loud of sloshing water continues again. Another container? Why does he need so much water? This happens twice more, four buckets of water, I can feel my heart banging out of my chest trying to escape. If it had the chance my heart would burst from my chest to run out of the room leaving the corpse to deal with whatever is coming my way.
A splash of cold water hits my face causing a shock to my senses. My eyes fly open, mouth gasps for air causing a convulsion of coughing, my eyes flutter to clear away the water from my vision. The cold has brought round a moment of clarity with headaches vanishing the becoming accustomed environment to my numb face, body aching all dissolves for a brief time. I hear a mocking laugh from behind my head. Fear is taking a grip one again, this splash to the face has taken me right back to realising my situation. Fuck!, fuck! the only words in my head right now.
I have never liked water to touch my face since a swimming accident that needed CPR to bring me back. I was told I had officially died for a least a minute. A cold splash to the face such as that took me back to the moment I couldn't get out of the water from falling off a boat trip in Spain as a teenager. All that talking therapy, all those sleepless nights were long forgotten now piling back into my head as if it had only just happened.
Did he know my issues with water? Is this someone I have met before or was it just by chance he knew that would cause me to panic. I'm sure I know the voice from somewhere, why am I even still here and why does he have water!
“We are going to see just how much you like the water” My eyes surely are showing pure terror now as I stare upwards at the ceiling, I still can not see who this person it. “Please, please! Let me go why me!” Breathing now rapidly out of my control I can feel myself in a state of panic, I cant move he has me completely vulnerable to whatever has been planned for me. I'm cold, shivering, finding it hard to breathe. My heart is banging like a drum causing me to have pains in my chest. I can hear laughter from behind, he is laughing at my despair. I am a game, a toy for his amusement.
Without warning, I just start screaming. Loud as I can, what have I got to lose. I howl like a wolf making as much noise as I can, I need to get out of here the panic alarm bells have taken over, I have no control over my actions. I can hear something swish in the water, as I try to scream a damp folded piece of material covers my mouth and nose, I think its a towel of some sorts. My screams are now muffled but I can still just about breath. He twists it towards the back of my head around whatever I'm against. The sound of more tape securing it. It is not moving off my face, I can't shift it with what little movement I have. “shhh, you will need your breath”, What does that mean, what the fuck does that mean!.
I hear the metal container move, the light above me goes dark as something moves over my head. It's a large grey bucket. I go silent just staring, it's gone quiet and everything is still. My eyes wide open just staring. I muster the ability to try and shake my head and mumble “no please, please no” in a begging little now croaking voice damaged from all the shouting not long ago, while the wet rag is over my face just my eyes peering over helpless. He wants me to watch what is next, moments feel like hours. My shivering has stopped all I am focused on is this bucket of cold water being above my head, there is a dripping sound on the floor from the tap that field the buckets, nothing else is breaking the silence other than his breathing.
First, it was a couple of drips start to fall on my face, then a couple of small trickles, then a constant steady stream of water smashing down onto my face starts to begin what I hoped so much to not happen. I took a deep breath in the chance it would help but the water is going down my tiled upwards nose, I can't see anything other than cold water. It just keeps coming and coming. I can't hold my breath much longer trying to sway my face isn't working I'm taped down to hard. Holding my breath isn't working with my nose filling up with liquid.
He is laughing at my struggle causing me to lose concentration and try to gasp for air getting a mouth full of water at the same time causing coughing, spluttering. I can't breathe. I feel like I'm back underwater the pain in my lungs and chest is unbearable yet I can not scream for the water falling on my face is pressing any voice I have back inside me with the lack of air to even voice a sound unavailable.
Am I having a heart attack?, the strain my tight chest, my neck is hurting from the pressure of trying to move my head while being bent back, I feel as if I will die here this will be the last thing I feel, drowning. Drowning, it has hit me I am drowning again!. I’ve got horrendous pain of the nauseating liquid involuntarily filling my lungs helpless to stop it, my brain feels as if it is on fire, my nasal cavity is burning, my throat is completely swollen up unable to gasp for air, I can't shout, I can't breath I can't stop the water entering my body.
The water is pushing down into my trachea causing what I can best describe as something I saw that had written in my notes that horrible day, 'respiratory degradation' meaning suffocating. Intense pressure in my head, I can't breathe, I have gone into a state of panic frantically trying to escape my restraints thrusting my body in any direction I can go.
I have lost my mind no longer knowing who or what I am nor do I care. This seems to be going on forever as I slowly die while being tortured time stands still.
My experience is so overwhelming that it induces a horror like state of mind, triggering a frantic survival instinct. I feel one of my shoulders pop out of joint causing my left arm to slouch from the amount of pressure involuntarily taking place in trying to escape. I was already past that level of pain it was just a pop sensation then my arm went dead.
I feel one my hands stop moving, going limp, have I broken my wrist? Has the circulation to it been cut due to how tight the tape has gone? My hands are expendable if it helps ill tear them off if possible. I pull harder and harder in the hope one will break off helping me escape, able to only use one arm now, surely I can get my wrist free somehow. Still trying to get away my mind says get out now, you're going to die, surged of adrenaline is in me as I feel another cracking sensation in my mouth followed by the hard clumps floating around my tongue and cheeks.
My teeth have started to break from the force of my jaw being clenched trying to keep water out even though it's futile as my nose is allowing it in, I know this but my body is doing its own thing now as if I am possessed, I'm just here for the ride. Crunch, crack, another two explode in my mouth I try to scream out but there is nothing there only searing agony.
My body is destroying itself trying to escape. I was fully conscious of what was happening but unable to stop it. Anything to remove myself from this situation, my frenzied fight to survive, I prayed for death and the deliverance from pain which I could feel being granted as I started to become numb. Forgive me for my sins and for those that sinned against me, deliver me from evil. Please remove this evil just end me now.
Head is spinning, the coughing is stopping, my eyes I cant keep open, I have no breath left in me I can feel the endurance level of my adrenaline has now passed its peak, my body is starting to switch off. The office is closing and I am the last one out I only need to switch that single light out I can still see above me through my slither of open eyes.
The water stops, and I feel the rag removed. Suddenly a swift slap to the face causing me to carry on coughing, broken bits of teeth spitting out of my mouth running down my cheeks with clumps of blood, my body is convulsing to try and remove the water. He punches me in the stomach which causes a spurt of water to ex hail from my lungs followed by a gasp of air. How am I still alive. The water clears from my eyes but I am crying uncontrollably causing them to sting. I had not already pissed myself I certainly have now feeling degraded and exhausted.
The injuries sustained from the survival instinct are now becoming apparent as the pain is no longer masked by the will to live. My shoulder feels like I have a crowbar trying to prise it off my body, my wrists still have no feel or movement in them from lack of circulation. I can feel sharp gaps in my mouth from the broken teeth with the headache that companies a tooth abscess times a hundred. My vision is blinded by a mixture of the light above me and strain on my eyes from the water. Still unable to talk coughing up water.
I hear tape being cut, my head becomes loose but I am unable to move it still, my wrists drop down and I can feel my legs have been freed, a hand is pressed against the side of my head and I am pushed onto the floor. My body collapses like a rag doll.
I fall onto my shoulder that is out of joint landing like a sack of potatoes the pain causes me to scream but the sound suddenly vanishes into just the sight of my mouth wide open with nothing coming out, I can hear a high pitched sound in my head. Again a massive fit of relentless coughing gasping for air. My face pressed against the floor I can see water and red swirls of blood mixed into the dusty hard concrete. I feel a sense of release amongst the aches and pains of my body telling me I need help. Even with all the suffering, I have endured I feel happy for a moment that I am on the floor with no water being poured on my face.
Two large black boots stand in front of my face, I look up the best I can to only see the lower part of his jeans which are splattered in water. My breathing rattles as I try to inhale and exhale using all my strength to carry on doing so. He grips my hair, crouching down and forces my face to look his mask. I can see his eyes staring at me, studying the broken mess I have become through his means. I can feel my nose is bleeding with it running down my face mixed with water, snot and residue of what ever my body is releasing. Eyes bloodshot red with smears of crimson coming from my lips struggling to breathe. My shoulder slumping like a broken doll. I don't have the power or will to try and attack him with my only working arm I doubt my hands would even make a fist they are just red dangling parts of my body with no feeling.
He takes off his mask while staring at me, his face just a figure I can just about make out eyes and a nose. I feel his mouth against mine and his tongue inside my face for a few moments, he then pulls away and spits back blood and bits of tooth into my eyes. I try to shut them but I just stare into the blurred distance of nothing with only his hand keeping my head off the floor while the blood pools around my worn eyelids. I hear a laugh and a release of my hair causes my face to fall back on the wet floor with a thud. Motionless my mouth open, eyes staring at the water in front of me. I hear footsteps walk away. “see you later if you are still here” the door shuts leaving me alone once again.
Shivering, the light dimming going dark, I feel my consciousness slipping away, whether I wake up I don't know. He said he will be back, I hope, I pray I don't wake up. Sleep, quietness, shallow breathing. Peace, darkness once again.