Tiaras and Tears part 2
Communicate, communicate, communicate!! Communicate until your tired of it and then communicate some more!! Seriously, it’s so underrated and it stops things like... “Well I thought that...”. Unless I say it, don’t think that I’d want to or I wouldn’t want to do x,y and z.
There are many ways in which we communicate throughout the day both verbally and non-verbally. I work long hours, 12 of them to be exact and I can guarantee that I’m communicating through all of those 12 hours – More than likely verbally too. I’m repetitive, the things that I’m told are often repeated by the same person to me also, it goes with my job. But I digress... I’m probably verbally communicating to others (and myself) 11 of those 12 hours, then there’s body language and facial expressions which also help.
For those that listen to the podcast, you’ll know that I just love talk. This is the case when I let my socially awkward extroverted introvertive self, off of the leash. Some days for me it’s like removing a gag... All of the things just spill out!!
“Three more sleeps”, a text that I received whilst in work. My head was like ‘Not now!! I’m busy!!’. My body was like ‘Hello there, the angel from my nightmares....’. I could have easily gone with... Hello darkness my old friend. But, that’s days off yet. So, three sleeps. A lot can happen in that time and my head space can change, but there is now a count down and although I don’t actually want to speak with Mister Smith, I can still let him know where my head is at.
We first discussed at lengths my limits and such 2 years ago. We revisit this each time that we do a scene. He will ask me if anything has changed, if there’s anything since the last time he should be aware of. This is a cue for me to speak up. I state that death, broken bones and feet are hard limits. My face is off limits – He's aware that a good slap is fine, but he has to hold back on the urge to punch me in it.
That won’t have changed come Saturday either. He gages whether or not I like things by reading my body language, also by the sounds that I make etc... Communication doesn’t stop there though. We debrief. Not immediately afterwards as I usually just want a sugar fix and am away with the rainbows and unicorns. We will debrief over the coming days though. It’s usually me being annoyed at myself that I put my hands up (that gets brought up by myself often) and have bruised knuckles or bits of my hands I didn’t intend on getting bruised.
I do the same with others that I scene with too. I like to discuss the scene had. I like to know that the other person enjoyed it too and which bits were the highlight. For me I ask for the scenes that I do. I won’t or don’t hint at being beaten, I won’t or don’t brat about for a bit of pain. A bit of the old funishment as the expression is. I will out right ask for it. None of my pain induced scenes are a punishment of any kind, they will have been asked for by myself as I like to use words. I rather dislike it when people *assume* that me having my arse handed to me is me being punished. I’ve done nothing to be punished for. Also, as a masochist, beating me isn’t a punishment at all!!